


Fleeting

by TabisMouse



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7991296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabisMouse/pseuds/TabisMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lifetime is not enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fleeting

**Author's Note:**

> I completely forgot I wrote this until it got a hit on AFF. X-posting it here in case there's not an overlap of readership. My first Todae. Enjoy.

_Daesung played the song one more time. One last time, he lied to himself. Seunghyun’s voice resonated through the headphones, shaking him, holding him. He did nothing to check the tears, the sobs._

 

* * *

 

“I’m Seunghyun, who are you?” The boy was beautiful, stunning. Daesung felt himself go hot and he forgot how to speak, he just stood gaping at the outstretched hand.

“Um,” Daesung managed to squeak. Seunghyun’s face lit up in an encouraging smile and he nodded. “Daesung-” he managed and wanted to sink right into the floor. Seunghyun’s hand grabbed right at his and shook.

“So, do you like hip hop?” Daesung felt so confused. Hip hop? An earbud pressed into his ear as Seunghyun threw an arm around his shoulder and led him into the practice hall. “Here, Wu Tang.”

English, rapid fire and heavy assaulted his ears and he looked in shock at Seunghyun. “You like?” He asked and bobbed his head to the beat. Daesung had never heard anything quite like it. There was no way his father would be ok with this. He couldn’t even process the sounds, the words. Was that an f-word? That was an English swear word wasn’t it? His heart was thundering in his chest.

“Come on,” Seunghyun whispered in his open ear. “I will introduce you to everybody here.” The hand on his shoulder stroked down his arm, a comfort. “First day is scary.” Daesung nodded in agreement and Seunghyun chuckled.

 

* * *

 

Daesung curled in on himself. He needed to go home soon but he couldn’t bear to leave the dorm, not just yet. Arms wrapped around him.

“They’re really gone,” Daesung whispered.

“They are,” Seunghyun whispered into his hair.

“I can’t believe it. They knew so much, they - Hyunseung’s voice is so good and little Seunghyun - his dancing is so good.” Seunghyun’s body curled around his and began to rock. “What am I doing here, hyung? I don’t know anything. I don’t know the popular songs, I - I’m not as good a dancer as little Seunghyun.” His voice cracked as he remembered little Seunghyun bouncing around this very room. He never quite understood the boisterous, worldly boy but the thought of not seeing his charm, his smile stabbed at him.

“What am I doing here, Seunghyun?”

“What you are meant to do, Daesung. Sing. Bring the light of your smile to the whole world.” A finger stroked over his cheeks, down to his lips. He turned to look up at Seunghyun. Their eyes met and the froze, wrapped in one another and their grief. Seunghyun’s face moved closer and their lips brushed for the briefest fraction of a second.

Seunghyun pulled back and kissed his forehead. “Don’t cry, Daedae,” he whispered.

 

* * *

 

_“Fuck you, asshole.” The words felt strange on Daesung’s lips. He never swore. He would leave that to Seunghyun. He was more practiced at it. The words always seemed to fall so naturally from his lips, and he’d laugh at Daesung’s faux outrage. “Fuck you,” he repeated._

 

* * *

 

“Go away,” Daesung shouted at the door. He could feel Seunghyun out there. He hadn’t left. It felt like it had been days.

“I’m not leaving, Daedae.” 

Daesung raged. How dare Seunghyun call him that? How dare he. Daesung didn’t deserve affection, he didn’t deserve tenderness, he didn’t deserve Seunghyun showing up in front of his door every morning. He was a murderer, a monster. He deserved to follow the man he’d struck right down. Except he was a coward, a damn coward who couldn’t do it.

“Daesung, let me in, love.” The voice reverberated through the door. Daesung could feel it as it pressed against his back.

He was a coward but he wasn’t fool enough to open the door, accept the consolation offered. There was nothing that could make what he’d done right. He didn’t deserve Seunghyun’s absolution.

“Go away,” Daesung repeated around his tears.

 

* * *

 

The crowd was roaring, shouting, madly shouting for them. Seunghyun stood above them, gathered them to him in that way only he could with that magic only he could work. The light shone on him like a beacon.

Daesung couldn’t go back on stage. He couldn’t. His nerves were frayed and shattered. Could he really do this? Seunghyun had held him, strong arms enfolding, protecting, sheltering him. He’d whispered before they begun, words of courage.

“You belong out there Daesung,” Seunghyun had whispered, lips pressed into his hair. “You deserve their love. You deserve our love.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Seunghyun shouted, “Kang Dae Sung!” Seunghyun’s voice was pride and love and sheer joy as he introduced Daesung back to the love of their VIPs

It was possible to heal a broken heart, Daesung learned in that moment staring only at Seunghyun as he walked onto the stage to a swell of cheers and chants of his name.

 

* * *

 

_They’d given him a moment. His brothers, the mothers, even his father had been checked, Seungri’s hand holding him back in a way that brooked no denial. One last moment of hundreds they’d shared. Envy coiled in him, envy and rage._

_“How could you?” He asked._

 

* * *

 

They’d danced around it for years. An initial attraction, almost from the first moment they’d met, that spiraled around them day after day in the studio, in the dorm, on stage, off, through months apart as they pursued solo interests in different countries.

And yet, Seunghyun was who he always came back to. Every break up, every triumph, every sorrow, he didn’t know how to not share them with Seunghyun. It was always his first thought, “call hyung.” So he would and Seunghyun’s voice always thrilled him.

It came to that moment, there was nothing special about the day. There had been no real pressures on their time. He just showed up at Seunghyun’s door one morning and Seunghyun had pulled him into a hug and asked if he wanted to watch a movie.

There had been nothing special about that day until it became the most important in their lives. Curled into one another, bodies finding positions formed from long habit, Daesung had squeezed Seunghyun tight. Music had been playing but the memory of the exact song faded over time. Because all that was important was the feel of Seunghyun in his arms, the look of his eyes as Daesung said the words that had been burning his soul for a decade.

What mattered was Seunghyun’s voice as he said, “I love you, too,” then took his face in long slender fingers and kissed him. “I love you, Kang Daesung,” Seunghyun had said and from that moment their lives had changed.

It had been so simple, shifting one life into that shared by two. It shouldn’t have been so easy. He’d been told it would be hard. He remembered the struggles of his own parents. He could see with his own eyes the distance between Seunghyun’s.

And yet it had been no struggle. The stream of their lives flowed into one another, mixing so there was no seam, no fracture, no line that showed what was his or Seunghyun’s.

 

* * *

 

He was old fashioned. Seunghyun had teased him but Daesung could only smile and shrug. The teasing was gentle, affectionate. The one thing he could always depend on from Seunghyun was acceptance, understanding. Seunghyun only ever wanted Daesung to be who he was, nothing more.

He’d whined and pouted like a child but Seunghyun had waited. He waited until their left hands could grasp each other over a large bed, twin bands encircling their fingers and glinting in the fire light.

“Really you had to make a fire?” Daesung laughed at his joy.

“Of course, Seungie,” Seunghyun said and pulled Daesung into a kiss. “Of course,” he whispered over Daesung’s lips between kisses.

“You’re a sap, Seunghyun,” Daesung said.

“Romantic sap,” Seunghyun corrected, and gently lowered Daesung to the pillows. “You’ve had years to think of this,” he whispered, as he pressed kisses into the skin of Daesung’s neck, “how do you want this?”

Daesung’s stomach jumped and he flushed down to his toes. He had thought of this moment, so many times in his life over the course of years of their courtship and, to be honest, many years before that. But now, faced with it he had no clue what he wanted. Seunghyun looked up from where he was kissing Daesung’s shoulder and he smiled softly. A hand cupped his cheek. “It’s ok, Daesung-ah,” he whispered, “I’ll make it good.”

He did. He went slow, kissing each newly revealed bit of skin as clothes were carefully removed, despite the fact that he’d seen it many times before, even kissed this much many many times. Still he kissed each inch as if it were precious. He ran warm hands over Daesung’s body, already warmed over by fire and wine and romance but now electric under Seunghyun.

He stripped slowly, letting Daesung take in his body. “Mine,” Daesung groaned, not even aware of speaking and Seunghyun grinned. He let himself be pushed down for Daesung to explore, mark, claim.

“Always yours,” Seughyun whispered, catching Daesung’s hand and kissing his wedding ring.

He showed Daesung how to prepare, stretching himself and promising Daesung could do this next time if he wanted. “Next time,” Daesung said with a blush and Seunghyun kissed his flushed cheeks while one hand dropped between spread legs to open himself.

“Next time,” Seunghyun repeated and groaned as his fingers worked.

Penetration was a revelation. Seunghyun was tight and the slick wetness of the lubricant tantalized him. He trembled, muscles quivering with restraint as he pushed into Seunghyun. Fingers traced his brow, his lips, his jaw.

“I’m not going to last,” Daesung cried, the sensations too much, too overwhelming, the shocks along where his body joined with his husband’s clashing with the pounding waves surging through his heart. “I’m not going to last, Hunnie.”

Seunghyun surged up to claim Daesung’s lips as he rotated his hips. “Daesung you have eternity to last.”

Orgasming into Seunghyun’s body had been exquisite perfection, the world fracturing around the love they created in their bed.

 

* * *

 

The years slipped by like sand through wrinkled fingers, like the wind and rain and sunshine that fell on the home, the life, the world they created together.

 

There was music, there was laughter, there were evenings hosting the creme de la creme of celebrity and society, there were quite mornings snuggled in soft sheets, there were midnights where they shouted and raged over things that never mattered in the end, there were early morning apologies and allowances.

 

* * *

 

_Daesung cursed again through his breaking heart. “I am so jealous, hyung,” he said, “I’ve always been jealous of your beauty, your charm. You always did exactly what you wanted. You always had so much courage.” He stroked a line down a cold face. “I’m so jealous you get to go, and I have to stay.” His fingers gripped the edge of the casket. “You get to go. And I have to stay.”_

_He collapsed to the floor, unable to bear looking at the lifeless body of the man he’d loved nearly his whole life, at the face lined with age and hair streaked in elegant white. A lifetime had not been enough._

_“Don’t cry, Daesungie,” he heard the words echo up as if from memory, he felt the phantom ghosting of hands surround him. “Don’t cry my love and be strong. And in a few years come to me, I will be waiting.”_

 

* * *

 

They found him there when they came for the body. His brothers surrounded him, changed by the years but still the men who’d shared with him the life and love of the man leaving them behind. They held him, wrapped around him as the box was taken away for burning.

 “I’ll see him again someday,” Daesung whispered. And they nodded and held him.


End file.
